It’s the middle of July here in New Zealand and some days can get pretty cold. Cold enough that sometimes it warrants wearing a beanie and even gloves if you are out and about. Even more so if you’re standing on the sideline of a sports field or walking to school in the mornings.
But I refuse to buy my daughter a school jumper this year as part of her school uniform.
Why?
Sounds pretty harsh doesn’t it? Especially because we are now heading into the coldest part of the year. And without one she will freeze her little arms off.
Maybe It’s because she doesn’t like wearing jumpers. Maybe it’s because she doesn’t think the school jumpers are cool. Maybe she just runs hot and doesn’t seem to feel the cold so therefore doesn’t need one.
Well you’ll be surprised to find out that it is actually none of the above.
Nope. So do you want to know the real reason that I wont buy my daughter a jumper?
Well, the real reason is ……. because I am a mean mum.
That’s right I said it. I am a mean mum and I wont buy her a school jumper.
Simply because ………… she has already fucking lost 3 of them!!!!! That’s right.
Not one.
Not two ……… but three school jumpers that are $60 each brand new!!
And this time I completely and utterly refused to buy her another one!
Now when I say that I am mean, what I really mean is that I am all up for teaching kids resilience in this life. Granted, I had already given her the opportunity to NOT lose 3 jumpers and then helped her replace each of the first 2 that she lost. (Note: I did not spend $60 on new jumpers but helped her find second hand jumpers instead).
This time I demanded I see more of her taking responsibility for herself and stepping up to solve a problem that she consistently seemed to repeat. You see, she is almost 8 and has always been pretty careless with her things. Don’t get me wrong. She is pretty bloody awesome. A good mix of pretty and girly with a bit of that tomboy wild charm in her. She’s just a rough as guts kinda girl. Rip, shit and bust, messy, unorganised and just un-thoughtful when it comes to looking after her things.
So, after hearing her repeatedly moan and groan about being cold one morning, I stopped her in her tracks and gently reminded her that the only person responsible for looking after her jumper is HER.
Not me.
Not daddy.
HER.
And that if she was feeling cold and needed a new one then that responsibility too was on her because I was no longer going to step in and help her with the same problem we seem to keep facing.
Don’t get me wrong, I gave her options and brainstormed with her all the solutions that she could take to keep warm at school. You name it, we came up with it.
The problem was that she found every excuse under the sun as to why these solutions wouldn’t work for her and she just didn’t feel she had the confidence to go about solving her situation without my help.
Well, guess what. It was tough titties for her. She knew that I was standing my ground here and that if she wanted another jumper then it was all on her to go and get herself one. Somehow.
So, I continued to remind her of her options here and didn’t back down to the little voice in my head telling me to feel sorry for her or worrying that she would be cold. Because when a good learning opportunity rears its head in our family we take it and run with it!
So, our brainstorming included solutions such as, well, she could continue to freeze and be cold all day, every day for the rest of the winter? Or she could pick herself up and take responsibility in finding a solution to keep warm at school. Whether it be wearing a long sleeve top under her T-shirt, (which apparently isn’t cool these days), find out where the lost property is and search for her lost jumpers (plural), just pick one out of the lost property (1 in 1 out right?) or use her pocket money to buy another second hand jumper.
But whatever the solution, she knew that the responsibility fully resided on HER and this time, I was in no way prepared to put myself out to go and get her another one.
A few days later, after baring the cold for almost a week it seemed that she was ready to do what it takes to step up and get herself a new jumper.
Before I tell you what she did, I need to let you know, that this little girl is not always super confident and often presents herself as shy, especially around adults she doesn’t really know.
But it was the last day of the end of the term, and the school was shutting down for a 2 week break. So I took my last opportunity to explain to her that if she wasn’t to find herself a jumper by the end of the day, next term she was sure to freeze because it was only going to get colder.
At which point, my husband stepped in. I don’t know why, but sometimes you can hear the same thing over and over again, but when it is said by someone else from a different perspective it can suddenly take hold. To be fair, my husband is a salesman and a pretty good one at that. So he managed to convince her that today was the day she did something she wouldn’t ordinarily do. That, if she had enough desire to get herself a jumper then all she needed to do was find the confidence to go and get one. And then, he told her exactly what she needed to do.
It just so happened that there was a school assembly that afternoon and she was receiving an award so both my husband and I would be there to see her get it. There’s a fairly big role at our school so we could see her little face among her peers and waved excitedly when we saw that she could see us too. But it was only when she stood up to walk on stage to receive her award that we noticed that she was indeed wearing a school jumper on her back!!!!
To our surprise, she had done it! She had followed my husbands clear instructions, taken herself to the office and managed to convince the office lady to GIVE her a school jumper out of the second hand shop! She didn’t even have to buy one …… she got given one!
Friggin legend that girl! We were so proud of her that day and you know what??? She hasn’t lost this one yet!