Wondering how you can teach your kids to get along with their siblings? Try this fun, practical ‘Ultimate Sibling Kindness Challenge’ to get your kids to be kinder to each other. Teach them the habit of filling up each other’s buckets with kindness rather than taking from them– free printable.
It all started with attempted MURDER!
So our 3 year old tried to kill her brother the other day.
She waltzed right into the kitchen, drew open the cutlery draw as she proceeded to grab a butter knife and cheerily exclaimed to my husband in her sweet little voice …..
‘I’m going to kill him.”
This highly shocking statement was thankfully followed up by ….
“Don’t worry. I be careful.’
Luckily for her brother, she was only engaging in role play and was NOT fully intent on actually murdering him with that knife.
Not this time anyway.
The knife was quickly removed from her little hand as we explained to her that a butter knife is not a safe item to play with when roughhousing and role playing as pirates with her brother. And if she actually wanted to kill her brother, then a much sharper knife, would be more effective.
Just kidding.
That’s definitely not how we responded.
But we did however, use this opportunity to give both kids a quick lesson on playing safely while roughhousing.
This was an act of a completely innocent little 3 year old playing NICELY with her brother.
But it did get me thinking.
Is it important to teach your kids to get along?
As siblings in the same household, sometimes they get on like a house on fire and other times it’s literally like the house is on fire! One minute they can be the best of friends and the next, be at each other’s throats and things can spiral out of control pretty quickly.
This was a pretty typical picture of what we experienced during 6 weeks of lockdown. With more and more of the days at the end being more like the house was on fire.
We are now out of lockdown. And have been for a while. But I have found that our kids seem to be continuing in this continual habit of treating each other badly on a regular basis.
Sibling Rivalry is Normal
A sibling relationship is very typical of a kind of love hate relationship. Our 3 are so close in age, that they’re in each other’s faces all day long. So it’s easy to understand how they get sick of each other. So much so, that sometimes, they are just unable to see clearly and get along.
At which point, my 3 year old knowing how to access the knife draw, could potentially pose a big problem.
But the number one rule in our house, is to treat people the way you want to be treated.
And as a parent, I am intentional about teaching our kids kindness and that having respect for ourselves means we treat others with that same sort of value.
We work hard in our house, to maintain that strong family connection and identity. And with that comes teaching our kids the responsibility of looking after each other and having positive, connected relationships.
However, it seems of late, that our kids have fallen out of the habit of being more kind than they are mean.
But this is all it is. Simply a habit.
And it means that as siblings, if they are not getting along then there is something out of whack and something needs to change.
The way even we, as adults respond to others, is something that we have learned how to do. And the way we respond to everyday situations and other people’s actions are all decisions that we make every day.
And this applies to kids too. However, they are in the process of programming the way they live out their every day responses to the world around them. So how we teach them to respond to others is so important in raising them to be happy and healthy and will give them opportunity to live more meaningful peaceful lives.
So how do we teach kids to get along with their siblings when sibling rivalry is rife?
No, I’m not going to put them in get along shirts or lock them in a room until they learn to be kind to each other. Instead, I am going to retrain them and create new habits that they use to respond to each other with calm and rational thinking. Instead of resorting to anger and aggression. Or worst case scenario ……. MURDER.
And what better way to encourage them to do this than with a good old fashioned bribery and corruption strategy.
The Mighty Sibling Kindness Challenge
Want your kids to get along?
Just like any new habit, it needs to be practiced every day. So I’ve developed a 21 Task Challenge I have called ‘The Mighty Sibling Kindness Challenge’ to motivate them to start looking after each other again and get them to form the habit of thinking twice about how they are treating each other.
It takes (atleast) 21 days to form a habit. So I came up with 20 activities to promote sibling kindness and once all 20 are complete, they will have earnt the right to take their siblings out for a treat of their choice, as their 21st kindness activity.
Why? Because when they get along, they have so much fun. They’re actually really good friends and most of the time they really adore each other. And they just need reminding about the importance of kindness to create a happier, healthier wellbeing for all of us who want to share in a peaceful, loving home.
So here’s how it works.
Download the Printable Challenge Chart
I have created a chart for each child that we will display prominently in the house. As they complete any of the tasks with their sibling they are eligible for a sticker or to cross off that particular task. When they complete all 20 of the challenges they can take their siblings out for a treat of their choosing. You can discuss the options available to them here, whether it be taking them out for ice cream or going to the movies. You help decide together what their reward might be.
There are Different Charts for Different Levels
For our older 2 children, the kindness challenge is more advanced and has a list of ideas that they can choose from that will encourage them to either work collaboratively with each other or simply show a thoughtful act of kindness towards their siblings.
As for our homicidal 3 year old, I have created a chart in which she can gain stickers simply for showing kindness or because she was ‘Caught being kind.’
Download it and get your kids on it!!! Teach your kids the value of being kind to each other and it will last long into their adult life and how they form strong connections.
Update from the Hamilton Headquarters of Kind Children. (Challenge completed).
No one is dead. No one has been murdered and the kindness ratings have improved significantly in our household since each have completed the challenge.
Our 8 year old daughter (the eldest) was the one who needed this the most out of the lot. She was really struggling with her younger siblings annoying her and was quick to get really frustrated and treat them badly. I find that usually, when the siblings are not getting along that she has a lot to do with it. And that her energy holds a lot of the power between them.
So did it work? Do our kids get along?
I was pleasantly surprised at how well this worked in reprogramming her to be kinder to her brother and sister. And for them to be kinder to each other. The key to this however, is explaining to them that they need to complete the tasks with authenticity. They can only achieve a sticker if they actually complete a task by wanting to do it, not begrudgingly.
But my kids were super keen to do the tasks whenever the opportunity arose or often they would even create an opportunity to complete them. For example setting up a game with the overall intention of inviting their sibling to join in.
It really got them thinking about their behaviour and how they respond to each other, every moment of the day. And it worked wonders. They have since completed the challenge and they all got to shout each other out to the movies, eat ice-cream and go for a swim at the pools. And they even thanked each other with sincere gratitude for doing so.
So simple, yet very effective. Now that they have been shown the kind of things that they can do everyday to show kindness to each other we don’t have an individual kindness challenge any more. Our newest challenge gets them working together for a new kindness goal.
Our New Kindness Promoting Strategy- Fill the Bucket
First we read them the book “Have you filled a bucket today?’ by Carol Mc Cloud. The book clearly explains the idea of how we can either fill each other’s bucket with kindness or take from other peoples buckets by treating them badly. It’s a fabulous concept that visually explains the idea of the effect that actions and responses have on others. And yourself.
So we purchased our own family kindness bucket. And set a new challenge for our kids to fill that bucket with colourful fluffies (pom poms). Whenever we see any acts of kindness or catch them being kind to each other they can throw a fluffy into the bucket. And once it’s full we get to have a sleepover and a movie in the lounge room together to celebrate.
It is working a treat! And will be an ongoing challenge to refill the bucket again and again.
THEY LOVE THE FLUFFIES! It’s so much fun. And they get so excited when we award them a fluffy for showing any act of kindness towards each other. It has been beautiful to watch them try so hard to be kind to each other and constantly try to fill each other’s buckets.
So do your kids need to learn the habit of treating each other with kindness?
So if your kids have fallen out of the habit of being kind, why not give it a go too? You can download the Ultimate Sibling Kindness Challenge here and encourage your kids to be kind to each other. It will teach them all the things they can look to do to fill each other’s buckets instead of taking from them. And get them back into the habit of being kind to one another again.