Are you feeling the mental fuck of motherhood and feel like you’re in a perpetual state of mumnesia? It probably won’t surprise you to know that mummy brain is a real thing. I swear that after the delivery of each of my 3 children, my brain turned to mush. And no one ever warned me about the absolute mental fuck that would follow me into motherhood while trying to keep 3 tiny humans alive, organised and well at the same time. Let alone myself. So here are 6 ways to reduce the mental fuck of motherhood that help me function like a normal human being. (Almost).
Got mummy brain? You’re not alone.
I vividly remember the day I realised how significantly scrambled my brain was after having 3 children. My husband had taken our son over to see his cousins for a sleepover and I had a night with our girls. Kaeleigh who was 4 at the time and Piper, just a wee baby, who was only a few months old.
For me, the jump from 2 kids to 3 was a huge leap. I had no idea of the mental capacity it takes to raise 3 kids, pretty close in age. And how much of it gets stripped away while trying to keep these little humans alive.
So a night to myself, with the number of offspring reduced to 2 was a bit of a treat.
The next morning however, as we drove off to meet Daddy and the rest of the crew for breakfast, I could hear my 4 year old giggling away in the back seat. These were not just regular giggles, they were hearty, something is really funny kinda giggles. As I looked in the rear vision mirror, I could see Kaeleigh tied in knots about something she clearly thought was hilarious and I wondered what it was that seemed to be making her laugh so hard.
As it was, I was just pulling out onto the motorway where a higher speed limit was required. So as I tried to match the speed of the other cars I was merging with, I asked kaeleigh what it was that she thought was so funny.
To which she hysterically replied,
‘Piper is falling out of her seat!’
Fuck. I’m now driving 100km down the motorway which is saturated with cars doing the same speed. There’s nowhere to pull over. And not only had I forgotten to buckle my baby into her car seat, she was now physically falling out of it!
I finally found space to safely pull over on the side of the road and just in time to make my way around to her side of the car to catch her before she fell to the floor. Lucky was an understatement. I was super grateful that Kaeleigh found this so hilarious and that I was alerted to the fact that my baby wasn’t clipped into her car seat. And that I had managed to avoid a situation that could potentially have been so much worse.
How on earth had I forgotten to clip my tiny baby into her car seat before driving at high speeds down the motorway? Or anywhere for that matter.
How is it that I could forget something as important as the safety of my own baby when I take her out for a drive?
Confession Time!!
- I’ve flooded the house THREE times because I accidentally left the bath running. (Thank goodness for insurance).
- I once left the dog behind when we went on vacation, only to realise I had forgotten to put him in the car – 1 hr into the drive. (At least I remembered the kids).
- I’ve lost my phone, my wallet and many other loose items of importance since having children.
- I often forget to wear shoes and have to walk around the mall, school pick up or whatever appointment I am attending looking homeless!
And let’s not mention how many times I call my kids the wrong names all day long as they roll their eyes at me like I’m some sort of dumb shit who can’t get their name right!
And all this is comes down to one, now scientifically proven phenomena called The Mental Fuck of being a mum. In short …. Mummy Brain.
Or maybe lack thereof.
So is mummy brain even a real thing?
I’ve never met a mother who can tell you otherwise. I can’t tell you the amount of times I have walked into a room only to completely forget the reason why I went in there in the first place.
Or how many times a day I search for my phone, only to find it in some strange place that I’ve unconsciously left it as I was distracted doing something else.
Or simply being unable to access the information to complete a whole sentence when trying to hold a conversation.
What was I talking about again?
Sometimes it truly feels like there’s absolutely nothing there but ….
Mush. Putty. Brain dead mummy.
I’d put down the mental fuck of becoming a mother as probably one of the greatest challenges of motherhood. It has now been scientifically proven that a woman’s brain physically changes in pregnancy and in those few years after having a baby. My ‘baby’ is now 3 and a half years old and yet sometimes I still can’t remember the name of everyday objects.
No need to feel bad. Science now backs up the Mental Fuck of being a mum.
So why is it that our brains turn to spaghetti when we become a mother?
The demand for caring for young children combined with sleep deprivation can be a huge drain on the brain. And if you have ventured into having more than one, it only seems to be exacerbated by the mental pressure that goes with making sure the older ones are happy and organised too.
Scientific studies have also proven that some parts of our brain physically change to adapt to being a mother, by growing in regions that produce social cognition and allow us to feel empathy, while sacrificing other areas such as memory. I am 100% scientific evidence of that.
But 3 and a half years into having our third and last child, I have finally worked out what it is that helps me function more effectively, (most of the time anyway) so that I am no longer running around like a headless chicken, forgetting important things, drowning the house in bath water or recklessly endangering my children in any way or form.
6 ways to reduce the Mental Fuck of motherhood
#1 Let go of perfectionism
Perfectionism is one of the most prominent mental fucks that can send most new mothers into overwhelm and mental exhaustion. When I finally found the courage to let go of the ridiculous pressure to be the perfect mum, with the perfect house and the perfectly decorated birthday cake, I found the freedom to actually enjoy my kids, in the moment, instead of worrying about whether sally’s mum will notice that I hadn’t vacuumed the house, done the dishes or straightened my hair in time for school drop off. Stop trying to be perfect, and choose to be present instead. It is a key to reducing that overwhelming mental clutter that isn’t serving you. Or your kids for that matter.
#2 Let Google Calendar be your memory
This is game-changing. In the past, I barely knew what day it was. As for birthdays, school calendar activities and important family events? Well, I was usually one to either turn up late or possibly not even turn up at all. What’s the answer? Google it!
Yes, let google calendar be your memory! At the beginning of every week, I literally sit down and do a complete download of absolutely everything!!!!! And I mean everything, including everything that I need to do, everywhere I need to be, or literally anything that I need to remember for the week! Once it’s out of my brain, and usually in a seriously long list of handwritten To Do’s, I take each and everything on that list and pop it into a time slot on my google calendar for the week. This heavily reduces my mental clutter, because I no longer need to think about how and when I will get things done because I will have specifically organised my time more effectively and no longer need to worry that I might miss the kid’s athletics or mufti day. And the best part is, that google even dings reminders at me all day so I never forget a thing! There are so many digital calendars out there. Find one that works for you. Get organised and let technology be your memory!
#3 Speaking of ‘dings.’ You don’t have to answer every beep from your phone!
Busy is what being a mum is. In this house, it’s non-stop from the moment we get up until the moment our heads hit the pillow. So I don’t have time to sit around checking my phone every time it beeps because someone is wanting to share a photo with me of the meal they had at a cafe this morning. The best thing I ever did was get rid of all the apps that would send out notifications from my friends all day long. Don’t get me wrong, I love being connected to all my friends, but I don’t want to have to be answering to the constant ‘dings’ that go off all day when I would rather be spending quality time with my family. It allows me to be present as much as I can with my kids without having to run for my phone every 2 mins trying to keep up with the latest feed. What a game changer to how I feel every day. You don’t have to remove yourself from these things if you like them. Maybe you can just turn off the notifications for them or make a time in the day that you catch up on them and stick to it. The biggest trick is to reprogram yourself to know that you don’t have to run to your phone as soon as it ‘dings’. Instead, leave it, until you have the time to check it and don’t let it disrupt your day anymore. You will find that you have so much more time!
#4 Self care, meditation and living in the moment
You know the old saying ‘put your mask on first.’ Well, are you looking after YOU first? I know it can be hard to find the time for YOU but it is so important to plan some time into your calendar so you are able to spend enough time with yourself for some self care. Exercise is good not just for your body but your brain health too. And I can’t tell you how much better I feel after a morning routine that includes exercise, meditation and if I’m up early enough even some reading. Find something you love to do and make time to do it. If you make sure that you give yourself enough space away from the noise of your everyday then it will do wonders when you step back into your family’s world again. I often find that once I’ve had some time away, no matter how long or short, I am always able to be more present with my kids and enjoy my time when I am with them.
#5 Create a routine for your family- You Don’t have to do it all
Part of the reason that we feel so exhausted is because we feel like we have to do it all. This simply isn’t true. You are a family and you can make sure that everyone old enough can contribute in some way. Husbands and kids included. It’s easier for people to help you when they know what they need to do and they are routined to do it. So creating a set routine for your kids is always helpful. Give them chores that will not only be good for them but will also help you out. I’ve created chore charts that help us smash this out everyday. I even made one for my husband who was always keen to help but just didn’t know what needed doing.
Organise your division of labour and don’t do it all! See how we’ve done it below!
#6 Sleep
Sleep, or lack of is an absolute killer when trying to function and stay on top of things. Sleep deprivation is pretty inevitable when you have a newborn so try to fit naps into your day where you can, to catch up on those much needed zzzzzz’s. Remember, the dishes can wait. When your kids get older, try to create a sleep routine that encourages them to get a full night’s sleep without coming in to wake you up. There is so much information out there these days that can help you get your kids sleeping well, so that you do too. And think about how much Netflix that you really need to watch? Put the kids to bed early enough to allow yourself to have your own wind down time but make sure you are going to bed at a reasonable hour to ensure that you are getting enough sleep at night. It is recommended that a healthy adult gets between 7-9 hours of sleep per night to function at their best. We literally set a timer for 9 p.m. to remind us that it is time to turn off the T.V. and head to bed.
Look after yourself Mama. Ask for help where you need it, make time for you, plan your days and don’t forget that your kids are only little once. So enjoy the time you have with them and forget about those darn dishes in the sink! For one day they will be grown and you’ll have all the time in the world. Your house will be quiet once again and you will have happy memories of playing with your children. And one day, your brain will return!
Last tip: Make sure you have a great house insurance policy!!!