Do you have a tendency to see the worst in people? It’s easy to conclude that MOST people are arseholes. In fact, when you think about it, these days we are pre-programmed to actually think this way. If you watch the news, the majority of events covered are pretty negative. We’re all taught not to talk to strangers when we are kids in case that ONE person out there might try to kidnap, rape or murder us. And when we look through general history, we can all recall events of both men and women treating other human beings in unfathomable ways.
Oscar Wilde once quoted that ‘Everyone may not be good. But there is something good in everyone.’
I guess it all depends on how you look at it. Could it be that not everyone in this world is out for themselves? That kindness really does prevail over cruelty? That not everyone is a villain and that MOST of us are generally, pretty good people?
Is kindness more common than you think?
I encountered evidence of this particular notion one afternoon at the supermarket.
The supermarket.
Yep. The dreaded supermarket. With 3 kids …. for me, resembles a low budget horror film with the music from psycho running through my head. I’m one of those mums that thinks the best solution for keeping kids happy while you do the supermarket shopping, is to leave them at home. But sometimes, there’s just no other way around it.
As challenging as it is, I think I have my 3 trained pretty well and bribery and corruption is my motto all the way, in order to get through the gauntlet, alive and unbroken.
But on this one particular day, it seemed my kids wanted to play their own part in a horror movie that everyone in the supermarket got to watch. And my youngest seemed to be striving to win the Oscar.
Maybe they were tired.
Maybe I was tired.
Maybe all the ingredients were just on point for mixing up a storm in my usually, fairly well behaved children.
Not today.
My youngest was 2 and half at the time and she had this horrible tendency to sound like a ring wraith from lord of the rings when she wanted something. And today was no exception. She didn’t care how many people had to block their ears while we waited in line for the check out. She had had enough and wanted out. Fair enough. The supermarket isn’t exactly a 2 year olds dream adventure. But we had to stay and pay for our food or we would go hungry.
So my strategy, as she sang her terrible song and the other 2 carelessly swung through the bars of the checkout lane as I unpacked our items onto the travelator, was to keep my head down and try and smash this last part of the grocery shopping as quick as I could so we could get the hell out of there.
Now, I’ve been in situations like this before. I’ve had many a supermarket shopping trip go wrong. Including one very embarrassing pasta sauce smash through one of the aisles. So I know that most people are usually pretty compassionate and understanding in these types of situations.
But unfortunately for me, today was not one of those days.
At least not for one, other older customer who stood in the line in front of us. For, in the middle of my unpacking, I was suddenly taken aback, as he decided to have a go at my children for their behaviour and stated in a very loud, angry and aggressive voice that he was in fact a police officer and they needed to behave. He then stood over my children for a slight minute, (which felt like forever), stared directly at my youngest with a look on his face that I could only describe as being completely pissed off, before grabbing his groceries and leaving.
It’s safe to say we were all a little bit gobsmacked. Like, WTF was he expecting to happen here? Who in their right mind, would yell aggressively like that at a two and a half year old in the supermarket? And stating that he was a person of authority meant absolute shit to a little kid wanting out of a trolley!
Like the spectacle we were creating wasn’t enough? This man had to go out of his way to shine the spotlight even more fiercely on us. And I just wanted to shrivel away and hide. Never to return to the supermarket ever again. But I couldn’t. I still had to pay for our groceries. And I still had 3 kids that I now had to try and console from the scary man that just had a go at them.
It felt like a moment that lasted forever. But when I finally scrounged the courage to look up what I actually saw surprised me.
One scary, angry, crazy old man had set off a wave of emotion throughout the supermarket. As my gaze met with others, all I saw were beautiful faces staring back at me with compassion. Others began to comment and praise me for doing what they could see was my best. Although I still felt incredibly embarrassed from the moment passed, I suddenly felt as though I stood in solidarity with my fellow community. People who weren’t there to judge me, or get angry, or upset, but actually stand behind me ready to show compassion and kindness instead. The check out lady even stated her surprise at what a grumpy old bastard that guy must be if he thinks it’s ok to respond to children in that sort of manner.
And I ended up leaving the supermarket that day, not just laughing with the people around me but with the comfort knowing that most of the people there, if not all but one, were standing with me that day. That most people are more likely to respond to the chaos and noise that often comes with 3 kids, with kindness rather than judgement. And really, most of the time, people are more encouraging, helpful and willing to help if you need it.
I could’ve taken that one negative moment, that one negative response from an old grumpy bastard and never returned to that supermarket ever again.
But I’m so glad that I had the courage to look up that day. I’m so glad that I didn’t judge everyone else based on ONE other person’s response. And I’m so glad that I got to see the beauty that most humans are more likely to show towards others.
We tend to walk around in this life thinking the worst of people. But maybe this is something that needs to change?
It would’ve been easy for me to take that moment and run with the idea that I should never take my kids to the supermarket ever again. That everyone in the whole world thinks I’m a bad mum. That my kids are out of control and shouldn’t be taken out in public for fear of pissing everyone off.
But when it truly comes down to it, just as I found out that day, the majority of people out there are actually beautiful human beings and are more likely to show kindness and offer help over judgement or anger any day.
Maybe it’s time to start trusting our fellow human beings by realising that kindness is more common than we may think.
And what happens when you do?
When you do start trusting that people are good, kindness appears everywhere.
I see it in smiles from strangers in the streets. I see it in neighbours, friends and colleagues willing to help out when it’s needed. I see it in our children. I see it in the way we treat each other everyday and in the generosity of our community.
It truly is everywhere. And it is often easier to spot than you think.
What we don’t often realise is that kindness is actually our natural default. We are more likely to treat others with kindness than we are to treat them badly. Why? Because it doesn’t just make others feel good, it makes us feel good too.
And for the small minority of grumpy bastards that are actually out there?
Maybe they need our compassion and kindness too. For who knows what that poor man had been through that day. Or what kind of life he may have had in order for him to feel that he needed to respond in such a way to my children. All I know is that kindness spreads kindness. And I trust that my fellow human beings are willing to spread that shit everywhere.
So no. I do not believe that everyone in this world is an arsehole. Infact, quite the opposite. And maybe it’s time to start to change the way we think when we go out in public. Let’s stop shining the spotlight on the cynics that tell us that most people are out for themselves and look for the good in people instead. Let’s stop judging the whole human race, by the small number of people out there who ruin it all for the rest of us. Maybe it’s time to start believing in the kindness of strangers. Or that it’s time to change the way we view the rest of the world so we can leave our homes everyday, knowing that most of us really are trying to make this world a kinder place. And let’s teach our kids to do the same.
Everyone may not be good. But there is something good in everyone. – Oscar Wilde