Do you know that perfectionism is an impossible standard to live by? And yet many of us try to do it anyway! Super Mum, Pinterest mum, whatever you want to call it … it simply does not exist! But perfectionism is not always obvious and can show up in different ways. So here are the tell tale signs that you are a perfectionist and why it might be hurting you and your family!
Do you identify with being a perfectionist?
I’m a recovering perfectionist, Mum of 3. Here’s one of them. Meet my 6 year old. I don’t even know how he managed to spill so much milk, like everywhere! But here he is.
He wanted me to take this photo. Why? Because he is proud of what he did. We make a big deal about mistakes in our house. It’s important to us to teach our kids that no one is perfect and mistakes are part of growing and getting better at things. So before we cleaned it up we celebrated his effort to make breakfast first.
In the past, this sort of thing may have triggered my perfectionism and overwhelm into full overload.
But I know now that celebrating is way better and way more important than getting mad.
Perfectionism can be hard to spot!
I had no idea that I was a perfectionist until my husband pointed it out. Being a GOOD MUM is really important to me. What I didn’t realise is that it’s easier and much more fun to be a ‘GOOD ENOUGH’ Mum.
Perfectionism is actually a form of anxiety that can cause overwhelm and stress and eventually for me, led to burnout.
It is the desire to do everything right and worrying about it when you don’t.
To have the perfect house with perfectly dressed and well behaved children, as you host perfect Pinterest parties all while trying to DO IT ALL BY YOURSELF ….. with a smile on your face.
But what’s often behind that smile ….. is an overwhelmed, tired and exhausted Mummy.
And that affects the whole family.
We all know what the ‘perfect’ Mum looks like. It’s plastered all over everyone else’s FB feed. All it takes is a quick glimpse at someone else’s social media and suddenly we can feel ‘less than perfect,’ pretty quickly.
So we strive to be better. To do better. To be perfect too. And it’s impossible! Leaving us with that terrible feeling of constant failure!
Sound like you? You may be a perfectionist too!
Let’s see! You may be a perfectionist Mum if you:
- Want the house to be clean and tidy even though you’re raising messy AF kids?
- Feel embarrassed and ashamed to have people over because your house is messy
- Think you should do everything and feel ashamed to ask for help
- Don’t like others helping because they don’t do it the way you want it done
- Don’t like making mistakes or admitting to mistakes
- Criticise yourself often
- Have an intense desire for your kids to succeed and be perfect
- Lose your cool often because your expectations are too high
- Procrastinate- you want everything done, perfectly so sometimes you just don’t do it at all
- Micro-manage everyone and find it difficult watching your child do something if it’s not done your way
If any of these ring home to you then you may be a perfectionist at heart, just like me.
Don’t get me wrong. Not all perfectionism is bad. It’s good to have high standards … just not impossible ones.
So what if being a perfectionist is hurting you and your family?
Being a perfectionist Mum can be really stressful. It’s no fun and it turned me into that nagging, obsessive and grumpy Mum that I never wanted to be.
And I realised that my perfectionism was having consequences on how I was raising my children.
That there are ramifications of raising children in a stressful home environment.
And that if I can’t tolerate my own imperfections then how could I teach my children to do the same?
It’s a work in progress. A constant work on BUT I know how important it is to me, to raise my children in a REAL HOME! With a REAL Mum who isn’t trying to Pinterest and fake her way through life!
I want them to know that it’s ok to make mistakes. That perfect isn’t possible but progress is. That being authentic and true to themselves is the best person they can be.
And the only way to teach them this, is to model it for them myself!
So, in the words of Elsa which I have heard 1 Million 4 thousand and 64 times … it was time for me to…. LET IT GO! Let go of the perfectionism that was holding me back from the everyday joy of raising a family! And show them that nobody is perfect. And that’s ok!
And it’s so much more FUN! Life isn’t perfect! Have the courage to embrace your imperfections and LET IT GO!
Read this next post to find the strategies to LET IT GO and tame your perfectionism: