Does your low self-esteem and negative body image impact on the way you eat? Or don’t eat. Or eat too much?
I come from a long line of women who have always hated the way we look in the mirror. This came from my mum, who got it from her mum, who probably got it from hers.
And the truth was, that I never even realised that I was doing it, until I became a mum myself.
It was only when my husband pointed it out to me, that I realized I would constantly and habitually scrutinize myself, not just in front of the mirror, but in front of my children. Like my mum, I would often speak these ridiculously negative untruths about the way I looked, I compared myself to unrealistic ideals and constantly failed to listen to what other people saw in me.
A positive self-image is something that has eluded me for a long time, especially after having children and I have had to spend a lot of time and put serious focus on developing new processes to improve the image I hold of myself.
After having my third baby, I was desperate to return to what I imagined my body should look like, with very high expectations. My negative body image only spiralled from here. My misconception was that I had to have the perfect body, the perfect diet and the perfect healthcare routine to be able to feel this body positivity that I had only heard of. Surely if I ate well, dieted, excercised like a mofo, and finally got the body I always wanted, then I would be able to strut around and love myself more. Right?
I could not be more wrong. I constantly shifted from diet to diet, the latest fads, intermittent fasting, keto you name it, I did it. I worked out like crazy in sheer determination to improve my physical body.
My unhealthy obsession with an unrealistic body image and my misconception of a healthy lifestyle
however, due to my negative body image, I had never really had a healthy relationship with food.
For years, in between each of my children, I tried everything, every diet, craved to be skinny again, watched the scales every morning flick to a number that didn’t impress me, while I obsessed over calorie intake, deprived myself of foods and then felt guilty about it when I gave in. I exercised too much and too vigorously, all in an attempt to look like a supermodel (which by the way would never be in my genetic make up anyway). And while trying to maintain this obsession….I burnt myself into the ground.
You can only avoid the warning signs of an unhealthy body for so long before it tries to shut down. But I just couldn’t understand why, even with all that effort, regular exercise and eating ‘well,’ it was having no effect on my weight and would leave me with no energy to get through the day.
What I thought was a healthy lifestyle was burning me out. And my body hated me for it.
So I gave in. I gave in to my body. I was hungry!!! I was tired. And I realized that in my quest to get that ‘perfect’ body I was ruining it instead of ‘NOURISHING’ it! NOURISHMENT, or lack of, was my biggest failure here. I realized that I was afraid to nourish my body properly in fear that I would gain weight or not be able to lose it. So my body image had to change.
And so, I let go of all my extreme expectations. I began to listen to my body and its signals. Instead of fearing every mouthful of food I put into my body, I started RESPECTING every mouthful of food I put in. I realised that when my body gets hungry it needs NOURISHMENT in order to survive and have the energy to get me through the day LIBERATION!!!!
I began to enjoy food again. I created a mindfulness about eating the right foods at the time my body asked for it. I began to make meals and actually enjoy eating them with my family. I stopped banishing foods, enjoyed an array of different food, quit cutting out carbs and sugar and all the ‘Bad’ foods and didn’t even feel guilty about it anymore. With everything I ate, I appreciated that it was doing its job in keeping my body energised and functioning properly! And the biggest shift of all, was appreciating my body for its health and vitality rather than the fake beauty ideals I always tried to live up to. Not dieting has set me free. I’m now in tune with my body. And benefiting from a better relationship with it and the food I put into it.
I feel healthier, I feel happier, and I respect and hold great gratitude for living in this healthy body of mine. And part of that, is knowing what to put in to it to keep it healthy when it needs it.
And the thing I am most proud of, is that this is what I am going to pass on to my children. Loving myself for the way I am.
My biggest advise here, is stop counting those calories, start by noticing and changing that negative internal dialogue that you have trained yourself to think and start feeling better about how you treat yourself and your beautiful body, by nourishing it with good food and kindness. And if you change this thinking, and follow my biggest tips (provide below), you will be able to enjoy your way to mindful eating and healthy habits for good, no guilt included.
My ultimate tips to help you stop dieting, quit food guilt, change your relationship with food and start NOURISHING YOUR BODY to health!!!!!!
#1 Change the way you look at yourself
How can you look after your body if you don’t have respect for it? Think about it. If you are constantly and habitually degrading the way you look, (Whether out loud or in thought), how do you think this is going to make you feel? Girls this is one giant feedback loop and the reality here is WE choose how we think which directly results in how we feel. The great news for us here is that our self-images which is the way we view and think about ourselves are a product of our own creation, we formed these opinions on our selves a very long time ago and guess what they are NOT set in stone. As easily as we created the person we think we are we can recreate them and for the better!
Stop yourself every time you think of telling yourself something negative and start focusing on the things you do like about yourself. You’ll see this will create a dramatic shift in the way you start seeing yourself and how you look after yourself. And therefore, how you eat to feel good.
Changing your self-image takes constant effort but like any habit, if you show some pig-headedness and good old fashioned discipline you can do this and change the way you look at yourself forever
#2 Start listening to YOUR BODY
Get to know your body’s hunger cues. Your body truly does know when it is time to eat and when it needs to refuel. By using the intuitive eating hunger scale, you can always keep track of when you should be having your next snack or meal. Before reaching for your next eat, ask yourself, am I really hungry or am I using food for some other reason? (Emotional eating, boredom?). Ideally, your hunger should be kept within the range of 3-7 throughout the day. Make sure you are keeping track of this, you never want to be too hungry or too full. Never eat before you are hungry and be mindful of eating only until you are satisfied. Are your needs met?
Download the Intuitive Eating Scale, stick it up in your kitchen to remind you to practice the art of intuitive eating.
#3 You don’t always have to eat just because it is a regular meal time.
Just because it’s dinner time at 6pm every night doesn’t mean you have to eat!! You don’t have to stick to regular meal times if you are NOT even hungry!!! How silly is that? Eating when you’re not actually hungry? For example, if you had a snack fairly late in the afternoon because of a late business meeting or whatever, then don’t eat until you are hungry!! Keep the scale in mind during planned meal times with your family and don’t over eat just because it is scheduled!!!
#4 Mindful eating
When reaching for your next snack or meal, ask yourself, Is this going to NOURISH my body? And do I still want to eat it? Remember your main goal with food is to get the most out of it. So is it healthy and is it going to make you feel good? Take your time to enjoy every bite, slow down your eating and focus on what your’e eating by cutting out distractions like your phone or watching T.V. Technology is totally banned during meal times at any time of day in our house.
#5 Make vegetables the main event
In my opinion, this whole superfood business is a crock of shit. All veges and fruit have different nutrient qualities about them. You don’t need to go and spend a million dollars on hip superfoods like goji berries, chia seeds or matcha powder to get your weekly intake of nutrients. Pick a range of fruit and veges you can include in every meal SIMPLE:)
Ensuring that you are nourishing your body with a range of simple fruits and vegetables throughout the day will be your biggest shift in energizing your life. Eat the rainbow and top up every meal with nourishing colors.
#6 Stop cutting out foods and focus on adding foods
I got super duper sick of cutting out carbs and sugar or whatever else I had learnt to be ‘bad for me,’ all the time. Instead, of cutting things out, (especially ones you love), it’s fun to focus on what you can ADD to your diet to stop you feeling hungry and to curb your cravings. Choose healthier snacks that are less processed and will help you fill the gaps in between meals. Fresh fruit or nuts are always a great snack to reach for instead of a chocolate bar or sugary drink. Plan to have healthy and easy snacks available so you don’t reach for unhealthy options.
#7 Don’t deprive yourself of ‘banned’ foods. This will lead to cravings and obsessions.
At the start line of a half marathon I competed in, they interviewed over the loudspeaker, a 90 year old man who participated in the event every year. I remember the interviewer asking him what his secret was. His reply was: ‘Everything in moderation. Including moderation. Im sure you have heard this before but how simple is that. The advice really is don’t deprive yourself just don’t go overboard. have that biscuit or piece of cake if you feel like it just don’t eat the whole tin and don’t do it every day.
If you know you are eating to nourish your body throughout the day, then why not every now and then eat your cake and enjoy it too. Don’t limit your social life to be skinny. Look after your body, nourish it well and enjoy the good tasting foods [at times and in moderation] without the guilt.
#8 Every time you eat, ask yourself this…… Why am I really eating?
This is probably one of the most important tips I can give you to get you in control of your eating. Before you reach for any food, no matter what it is or when it is, take a moment to reflect on why you are actually eating in the first place.
So many of us, even without realising it, use food to escape actually feeling our emotions, and hence, eat when we are not even hungry, or we end up eating that whole pack of chocolate biscuits that we were so sure were calling our name from the pantry.
Every time you go to grab something to eat, think to yourself, are you really hungry? Or are you just bored, feeling upset, angry or down?
The key here is to process your emotions. Take a few moments to sit with it and then do something that stops you from eating that food you thought you wanted when you really didn’t need it at all. I like to go for a walk, or head outside to the garden, hanging out a load of washing can even do the trick!
#9 Change your ideals of beauty and create realistic health goals and habits
One of my biggest realizations in my health journey was the idea that beauty is often not healthy. You may look at a skinny and tanned person in the street and want what she’s got. But at the end of the day, you really don’t know what her overall health might be? She may well be super healthy, eat to nourish her body and workout regularly, but how do you know she’s not suffering the pain of food obsession, binge eating or even some sort of food disorder in order to maintain her ideal image?
Health is not about your weight, your waist size or your box gap, it’s about nourishing your body to give you energy to do things that you love, and fueling your body to be strong, happy and feel good. No more trying to worry about how your body looks? Rather, ask how does your body feel? You don’t need to change your body to feel comfortable in it. It is more how you respond to your body. Stop consuming yourself with how your body looks and focus on how it feels.
#10 Plan all your meals
If any of these seem important, believe me planning your meals for the week is one of the most important in trying to achieve all of the above. Planning, and preparation are your biggest tools in making sure you are eating to nourish your body.
I am a super planner when it comes to organising our pantry and stocking up on food. I love my food but I hate the shopping part, so I am super efficient when it comes to this part of running my household. If I am prepared and have planned our meals for the week, then I do my darnedest to stick to it to ensure I stick to my healthy eating ideal. I am so much more likely to eat healthy options when I have planned to do so. And I always refer to my calendar when planning out my week of groceries so I know that if I am going to be on the run one day I can prepare something healthy to take with me, rather than getting something that is probably unhealthy on the way.
Download my Weekly Meal Planner Template to get you started.
So now it’s time to make the changes you deserve
I cannot recommend to you all enough the benefits that will come if you GIVE UP DIETING FOREVER!! Take a good hard look at yourself, and the person you believe you are and start discovering the new you that could be by thinking more positively about yourself and your body!
Love your body, respect your body and start nourishing your body to good health. Eat without guilt and instead with enjoyment. No more punishing yourself. No more negative self talk. And your life will change.
Because, at the end of the day, if we are not kind to ourselves and our bodies, then who will be? Look after yourself right beautiful mumma, because if you don’t, then who will?
So cheers to a healthier, happier YOU.
