Think about this for a second. Do you want more out of life? Or are you tolerating a life that you don’t love? Would you even know if you are? What does it take to actually stop settling, take action and step up into a life that is more than you ever thought you could have? You may not like the answer, but here it is anyway. You can take it on the chin ….. or you can choose do something! Here is the number #1 reason why people can’t, won’t and don’t create a better life for themselves.
We were at a social occasion the other night. And as usual, the boys ended up outside and the girls ended up inside. Drinking wine and chatting about what was pretty typical mum stuff. Some of us have known each other for a long time now. And we’re all pretty close. But, pushing 40, both my husband and I have seen us breaking away slightly from this particular group. I don’t drink as much wine as they do these days. And I have a serious amount of goals that I’m on track to achieving. But as I sat around with my girls (who BTW I absolutely adore) it made me realise just how prevalent it is these days to accept a life that I guess one might call TOLERABLE.
As the boys chatted and laughed gregariously outside, we sat and chatted, and caught up in the warmth of the inside. And as the wine continued to flow, the girls became more and more open to revealing their biggest life pain points. And their deepest desires.
Desires. Wishes. Dreams. Call it what you will. These all encompass the same principle. The ‘THOUGHT’ that life could be better. But never actually acting on it.
I listened to one of the mums reveal that she loves real estate, home design and would thrive in an occupation of the sort but instead chooses to work her regular, well under paid 9-3 job that she hates.
Another works 8 hour days, with 2 hour travel time thrown on top, leaving little time to be a mum to her 2 kids, who it seems someone else is raising for her. ( No judgement here, what a truly incredible lady). But, she so badly wants more time with her kids.
And, as the conversation continued , I heard another explain that she dreams of being a massage therapist and setting up her own business at home.
As I absorbed their stories, I felt strong compassion for these beautiful women who didn’t seem to understand the very truth that is holding them back. That their circumstances are their responsibility. And that (as harsh as it might sound), they are where they are today, because they choose to be there.
So, I replied, (in all seriousness) ………..
‘Well, why DON’T you?’
The sound of crickets seemed to fill the room. And as I scanned everyone’s faces, I saw a Mexican wave like phenomena of rolling eyes that I have never been the culprit of causing before.
If there was an emoji for the expression that represents that typical, ‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ type face, I could insert that right here.
But I truly was serious. I really don’t see why any of them have any limits to achieving these things.
But the reality is that unfortunately they do.
I was hit back with every excuse under the sun for why this wouldn’t be possible for them to achieve, at least right now anyway. Lists of reasons why there was no way they could do what they wanted to do because their life was either just too busy, there’s not enough time or there’s not enough money to be able to go out and do what they actually want to do.
And yet still, all I could think was ………
WHY THE HECK NOT?
Why can’t they?
And ‘why DON”T they?’
Unfortunately, this is the accepted mentality of most people these days. We all know that we are are capable of more. Of achieving BIG things. Being better, doing better and achieving the success we always dreamed of. You know it. I know it. We all know it.
BUT, we just DON’T DO IT?
Why is it that so many of us fail to actually go out there with the courage to go and get it?
Why?
Well, the simple answer is this.
Humans are very good at WANTING something but …..
they are simply not willing to do what it takes to get it!
And that is why most humans stay in this vicious cycle of being
Happy, unhappy!
Which may sound a little bit along the lines of this ….
‘I know what I want. What I want, isn’t what I have. But I am simply just not willing to do what I need to do, to get what I want. Yet, what I am willing to do, is stay here and be unhappy because I don’t have what I want.’
The answer, is simple. It’s not that you can’t. It’s just that you DON’T!
So, is this YOU?
Do you have a vision for the quality of life that you actually deserve?
Do you dream BIG and do big?
Or are you like 80% of everyone else that is stuck! Are YOU in the majority of those who play it safe and never step out of that comfort zone even though deep down you know that you are capable of more? That you desperately wan’t more, to be better and do better but you just DON’T DO IT!
So Why the heck Don’t YOU?
If this is YOU, then you too probably also fall into the mold of either ‘tolerating’ or ‘settling’ for the life that you are in? Without realising the possibility that lies inside you to go out and get what you actually want.
Because, let’s face it, for most of us, the average life isn’t really all that bad. The evolution of the middle class allows us to live pretty comfortably really, with our big screen T.V.’s, accessibility to Netflix shows, wine in the weekends (or maybe every day if you really think life is bad) and credit cards that we can use to purchase anything we want from the internet.
We mostly rely heavily on distraction to numb the pain or boredom of the everyday. Whether it’s the escape into social media, Netflix binge sessions or drinking alcohol. These are all forms of instant gratification tools that deprive you of setting long term goals and taking action on achieving them.
In fact, the majority of people out there seem to navigate life as if they are on autopilot in what seems to be an endless waiting machine. Waiting for the next thing to look forward to, for some big break or someone else to come and do it all for them.
Why is it that we stay stuck in that boring job, in unhappy relationships, financial stress, and well to be blunt our AVERAGE selves?
What is it that is stopping YOU from living your full potential and striving to live YOUR best life?
Could it be YOU?
Of course, it’s YOU.
Only, YOU, YOU and YOU are solely responsible for YOU.
But don’t feel bad now, because the truth is that we are naturally programmed this way. It is the human condition to feel and give in to resistance. We let our primitive brain control us. We let it tell us to stay in our comfort zone and give in to the fear it promotes us with instead of stepping out of it with the courage and vulnerability we need to get what we want.
And we often do it without even realising the potential that we actually have a choice to pursue.
I Have Been there TOO!
For too long I stayed in a job that I hated. Complained about the never ending housework. (Like what’s the point, the kids just mess it all up again anyway right?) and groaned about being unable to lose weight, never having enough time, friends or money.
I would get up every day, stress about the same thing as I stressed about yesterday. Felt just as bored, overwhelmed and unfulfilled as I did the day before. Drank copious amounts of wine to numb it all away. And then do it all again the next day.
Sound familiar?
But guess what? I was lucky enough to work out that life doesn’t have to be this way. And literally over night my desire changed. I decided that I was tired of settling on a life that I didn’t 100% enjoy. I was tired of having to work in a job that I didn’t like going to, drinking too much wine, of complaining about our financial circumstances, lack of time and inability to enjoy moments with my children because I was too stressed to be in the moment with them.
So, what did I do?
I TOOK ACTION.
AND I DID!
I have made a decision that I am not prepared to live a life that I don’t LOVE anymore.
I understand that I, and me only, am in control of my life! I have worked out what I need to do to become a better version of ME and what I need to do, to move from my current situation to my ultimate goal. And enjoy the process while I’m at it!
And just let me tell you, LIFE can be so friggin good IF YOU WANT IT TO BE!
I know that YOU are here for a reason. Maybe you’ve clicked on this blog because you are willing to make the first step to changing your life for the better. Maybe your desire suddenly outweighs the reason (or excuses) why you have never gone for your dreams. Maybe you have realised that it is time to start living the life that you have always wanted and for you to be the person you always wanted to be.
If you get it, if you fully understand that the reason you DON’T is all down to YOU, maybe now you can take the first steps to changing what needs to be changed to get you to where you want to be!
Change can be hard. Change can be scary. But Change can be so worth it!
For you! And your family!
If you wan’t to know how to stop being a DON’T’ER and start being a DOER read this next post on …… How to be fucking awesome instead of average!